any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
