I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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