i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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