Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
