Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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