listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize