4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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