so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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