I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
