Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
