i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Green mimosas i think yes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
