I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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