If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
