wat bout pragnant strippers??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
