If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
