I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
