No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
