Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
