I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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