I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
