i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
