Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
