It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
