is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
