I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize