Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
