I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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