I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
