We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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