i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
