shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
