Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
