So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
