Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
