if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
