If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
