Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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