I cannot find my penis.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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