There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
