i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
