Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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