i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
