I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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