Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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