We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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