why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
