So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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