the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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