Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
