Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
