My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a search helicopter?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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