I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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