Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
