I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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