Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i love accidental penises.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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