I molested 6 butterflies tonight
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
