why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
