At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
