had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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