Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
