According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
