Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
