Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
