No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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