you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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