She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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