my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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