32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
