And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
