Apparently you make a good broom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
