Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
