Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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