Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
