if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
