guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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