people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
