Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
