I cockslap morals
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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