never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
