chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
