Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
