My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
