i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
