Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
