the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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