she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
