Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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