I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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