So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
