Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
