I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
