my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
